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Getting racy this Valentine's

2007-02-14 08:21

Hailey Philander

A beautiful girl and a beautiful view could make this a Valentine's Day to remember.

Who says Valentine's Day is only for girls and sissies? Turn this day of dread into a dream with the help of your favourite set of wheels.

I have yet to meet a guy who loves Valentine's Day. Each year on February 14, men grudgingly submit to the pressures of "the day of love" mainly to keep their lady friends in a good mood and willing enough to put out. But all that hearts and romance crap doesn't have to be a total turn-off - how about inviting your trusty four-wheeled dame to share in the action when the human one gets fired up?

Many girls would baulk at the idea of exploring their partner on the back seat of his proverbial Jeep, but some gentle coaxing and a bit of prodding should be enough to convince even the most stubborn "little miss perfectly-coiffed" to unleash her inner wild side.

Make it quick

So, you drive a Mini Cooper S? It's the ultimate fun car and all that zipping about town is bound to get your date's (heart)beats per minute racing to thumping levels. Surprise her by, en route to your destination, quickly nipping into a side street and showing her just why the Cooper is made for two. Make it quick, but promise her the show will continue at a later hour. This time, you could even move the action outside by testing just how sturdy that stripey bonnet is.

This manoeuvre would require a very willing partner. If your lady's not up for it, maybe you should consider trading her in for someone that better suits your car's personality?

Gentle persuasion required

If you are the reason the term "missionary man" exists, you could continue along the straight and narrow even while including your very sensible Volkswagen Jetta in your Valentine's Day action. It may not seem like a great idea initially, after all, your kids ride in the back seat! But brushing biscuit crumbs from your partner's hair while she tries to find a tissue with which to wipe the split pear juice from your rear, will certainly add a new level of intimacy.

However, getting her onto the back seat could be an immense challenge. Try buttering her up by reliving your courtship days. And remember to drop the "we never have fun anymore" line at some stage. It could be a good idea to use it while removing the kiddie seats from the rear. Even the most inflexible wife would need to prove she's still as fun as she was when you were carefree, and happiness was a mattress in the back of your Nissan 1400 bakkie.

Start off with a breathtaking location that will make the idea of engaging in some loadbox action rather fun. And guys, please make sure you leave the scratchy blanket at home? Make your love den on wheels a real escape by covering your trusty mattress with soft throws and blankets. Even toss in a couple of cushions. Chicks love that stuff.

Bring out the adventurer in her by leaving the tailgate open to the stunning scenery. Please ensure your love location is secluded enough so you won't have to entertain any unwelcome guests.

East west, home's best

If you're really struggling to find a suitable location, your very own driveway could also set the scene for untold pleasures. While this may seem rather absurd, could you imagine stumbling across a Lexus LS460 while slotting your Champ into its designated parking spot? I didn't think so either.

However, if you're saddled with someone who is all about how a lady is just not supposed to do certain things, help her break out of her shell by initiating some vehicular rumpy-pumpy. She'll be particularly impressed if the seats are of the reclining and heated sort and with more than enough space in which to manoeuvre, chances are she won't even muss up her hair. With any luck, the neighbours will never find out, unless she actually tells them the sordid details herself.

Invite the neighbours round

And when she starts to get really adventurous, why not take her for a spin in the family's Audi Q7? It has an interior big enough to play hide and seek in, and if the missus is really starting to embrace her new sex kitten (and your roaring tiger - wink wink...) give the big ol' seven seater a go.

It'll give her an alternative excuse for trying out all the space at the rear, and should the neighbours wonder what all the fuss is about the Q7, just say that you were trying to figure out just how easily those seats fold down. Whether your neighbours will buy this excuse is dependent on several factors, but don't be surprised if you spot these neighbours raving about all that space in the back of their large SUVs...

  • For handy tips on backseat etiquette, click here.

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