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Backseat dos and don'ts

2007-02-13 09:42

Sergio Davids

Getting the most out of your backseat

So you've gone to great lengths to impress this girl - the flowers, a shower, and you've even sat through an entire chick-flick. Check out our top tips for when your hard work gets noticed and the action moves to the backseat.

  • Location, Location:
    Choosing the perfect spot is paramount to your chances of getting busy on the back seat. Often the most obvious spots are over-looked, so be creative. Why not go for an industrial zone or your office parking lot, this should only take place after hours though...

  • Eyes wide shut:
    Be wary of roving eyes. Do a recce and check out those all important camera blind spots unless you'd like to see the DVD release of your very own rendition of "One Night in Paris".

  • No mess, no fuss:
    It's bad form to leave behind telltale 'signs' of your back seat frolicking, so come prepared and bring along a tub of Wet Wipes or a box of Twinsavers, at the very least.

  • No high-risk manoeuvres:
    Don't try anything you've seen in the Karma Sutra. Nine out of ten times you'll probably end up doing more harm than good. Stick to the basics.

  • Get rid of the evidence:
    Nobody's perfect, so invest in a portable vacuum cleaner as it could come in handy if your backseat romp was a brunette and the missus is a blonde.

  • Don't get caught with your pants down:
    Try not to remove all items of clothing in case there's a real emergency - you don't want to be caught in your birthday suit.

  • Safety first:
    Make sure the handbrake is properly secured. It's easy to get carried away in the throes of passion only to find out that you're careening down the highway.

  • Don't bring your work home with you:
    It's not a good idea to choose a place in your own neighbourhood or one which you'd often frequent. You'll probably be spotted by someone who knows you and it will ultimately turn into to be very awkward conversation later eg, "Hey, weren't you with Cindy last night?"

  • Get the interior right:
    Check your backseat for the "friction factor". The thoughtful guy invests in comfy throws. Plush leather - yes; suede leather - no.

  • Ventilation is important:
    Although the steamy window scene is very hot for that 'Titanic' feel, a steamed-up car at the roadside is a dead give-away. Allow for some ventilation to take care of lingering odours.

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