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Merc G63 AMG: Keeping it gangsta

All these years I wondered why people who have too much money buy cars like a Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG. Especially people like rappers and socialites, I finally understand. And, I don’t think one can truly grasp the concept until you drive a R2.1-million car such as this.

There’s one word in the Afrikaans language that describes this car best – ‘onbeskof’ (rude). Not literally though - well perhaps, to the ozone layer with its 322g/km of carbon emissions. And since everyone will think you're either a thug, drug merchant or the mafia when seen driving this G-Wagon, it hardly even matters what anyone thinks.

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This latest G-Wagon/G-Class was launched in SA in November 2012. I drove the ‘G’ for a week and boy was it painful on my wallet, especially a week before payday – but it was worth every litre of petrol the 5.5 V8 biturbo engine inhaled when you even just took the car keys out of your pocket.

Of course the fuel consumption will be bitched about, but I’m really not going to complain because I loved driving this monstrosity. The G-Class has a very rich heritage, one of 33 years that stems back to World War II days. It's practical and is the mother ship of all SUVs. Throw the toughest terrain in front of this car and it will spit it out like Clint Eastwood got rid of dirty hooligans in the west without even flinching.

LOOKS

So the G63 might not look like Halle Berry in a leather cat suit, but more like Nigella Lawson licking her fingers after tasting a mouth-watering dessert. And whether you’re a man or a woman, Nigella is one yummy mummy. Or, like a Navy Seal in his crisp, white uniform.

Although this car hardly has any curvaceous lines or sexy styling, it just oozes desire. It’s burly and box-shaped, with huge 22” light rims wrapped in rubber. What you see is what you get with this car, there are no pretences. The black twin-blade radiator grille has four chrome inserts, an AMG bumper with three airflow inlets and its doused with touches of chromed stainless steel.

It has new LED daytime running lights just below the bi-xenon headlights and wheel-arches that pop more than Justin Bieber’s collar. There are stainless-steel running boards and protective strips on the sides of the car. And just in case you didn’t know what this distinctive-looking beast was, there are V8 BITURBO logos on the front mudguards and G63 AMG plates on the rear door.

LEGS

Whether you’re cruising at a snail’s pace of 40km/h or hurtling down the highway faster than you realise, this car demands respect and forces others to move out the way involuntarily at the slightest glimpse of its silhouette in the rear view mirror. With an engine that makes 400kW and 740Nm, even TopGear’s Stig will cry for mother’s milk when behind the wheel.

At just a flick of the key in the ignition, the V8 roars to life and makes you want to put foot on the throttle just to hear that riveting murmur rumble through your soul as you drive.

Gear changes from the AMG Speedshift plus 7G-tronic auto gearbox is silky smooth as it is mated to a generator management system and eco stop/start function. It also comes in three driving modes: controlled efficiency (C) mode – when the eco stop/start function shuts down the eight-cylinder engine when the vehicle stands still; sport and manual modes. Put the car in sport and you instantly feel a powerful difference in throttle response and gear changes.

Its road-holding is superb, because while you’re feeling all gangster, driving habits might become erratic since you feel so invincible behind the wheel.

Mercedes-Benz claims the combined fuel consumption for the G63 is 13.8 litres/100km. However, I wish I could have come anywhere close to that figure as my average consumption was 20 litres/100km. Driving slow in car such as as this never helps, the faster you go and the more constant you maintain the speed, the better for your fuel consumption and driving range you’ll achieve. Even so, the best I could bring the reading down to was 19.3 litres/100km.

LIKES

Everything. Yes, this car might be ridiculous, but damn it made me feel like I was Kim Kardashian and that my boyfriend Kanye West had nothing on this ride. People looked, stared and drooled at this beast whether they knew anything about cars or not. Thus, I always felt the need to keep on my sunglasses, even when the sun had already set.

I liked the comfy, diamond-pattern leather seats with heating/cooling seat functions. The door panels had the same treatment and the roof-lining was a suede-soft material that made me want to run my hands over it all the time. The back seats have seat warmers too and sits quite high, it’s no wonder its the vehicle of choice for the Pope, former and current; albeit modified to suit the needs of the Catholic Church's leader. I also loved the twin exhaust pipes protruding on either side of the car below the rear doors – the musical instruments that played for your heart as you drove.

DISLIKES

The fuel consumption of course, but only because I wish I had enough money to drive this car without any restraints. My biggest gripe was the spare wheel mounted to the boot door. Even the circumference of the wheel cover had a chrome dip, and I felt that was going a bit overboard. But that wasn’t so much to swallow as the fact that this huge wheel was constantly in the way of the rear camera when reversing or trying to park. The camera position should be re-adjusted.

I  don't like the fact that I wouldn't go off-roading with this car, because it's just too pretty. So those diff lock buttons which can be changed on the fly on the facia are completely useless.

Would I buy one? Yes, yes and yes! Even if it was just to pretend to be a super rap star blaring my own gangster music from the banging sound system – with the sunroof tilted open of course.

If I were a multi-millionaire who didn’t care about killing trees every time I started the G63 and I had a bottomless oil-pit for fuel in my backyard, then yes.

Wheels24 attended the latest Mercedes-Benz GL launch during April 2013.

PRICE
G 63 AMG - R2 047 000
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